Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
