im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
