Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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