the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
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so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
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My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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