Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
