Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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