you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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