remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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