***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
