This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
