I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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