Too much gin, very little bucket
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
