we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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