Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
