the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
