So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize