Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
FUCK WHALES
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
