i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
