Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
All the doctor said was why
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
