I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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