did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
