My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Randomize
