she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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