he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Someone came in the potted fern
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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