yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
