You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
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threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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