I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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