are you still at the devil's house?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
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