mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
