I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
