I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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