Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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