I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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