my phone needs a breathalizer
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
