Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
