for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
