My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
