giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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