I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
