yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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