You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
