but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
