hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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