Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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