I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
