loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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