There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
