Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
