Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He felt like a one man threesome
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
