I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
