Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
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Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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