God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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