Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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