So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
