we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
