I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
