some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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