I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Randomize
