Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish there were birth control emojis
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
