Are we in a gay sports bar?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
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