I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
