so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
