I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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