This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
