I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
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