so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
the raccoons are back...
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