Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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