Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
