There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Can I color on your dick again?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
