Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
