note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
