he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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