i need an iv and a liver transplant
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
