We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
