I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
