Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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