ya dads aren't the best wingmen
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
