I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
