you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
