I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
this hospital has no fireball
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
