New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
