we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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