Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
