Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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