Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
