I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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