he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
